22. Hoffa

Today is 18 days from the first anniversary of Dad’s passing. I’ve committed to writing 40 stories about him as that day approaches. Forty Steady Stories.

I just bought the ticket stub above off eBay. It’s from the movie “Hoffa” which debuted on Christmas Day, 1992. Here’s why I bought it…

I wish I knew what day it happened in late 1992 or early 1993. It doesn’t really matter what day or what time, but I would just like to know anyway.

I was still in outside sales at Parnell-Martin and was calling on one of my best customers in Mineral Springs, NC. I had just gotten a cell phone installed in my Honda Accord. My phone rang, and it was Dad.

He said, “Hey. What are you doing?”

I replied, “I just saw Jim and the guys at J&S, and I’m getting gas in Mineral Springs before going to see Gary and Wanda at S&D.” I really was doing that, but it’s nice to tell the boss that you’re working.

He said, “I was thinking about going to see that movie “Hoffa,” today, do you have time to go?”

I said, “Absolutely.”

We picked the time, which was the first showing that day and picked the theater between Mineral Springs and the office and decided to meet then. I don’t know why, but I was really excited he’d called. Things between us were a little tougher in that season as we were both trying to figure out some things at the company, and it was just nice to get that phone call.

We met at the theater, got popcorn and cokes, and sat down for the previews. I don’t really remember the movie, and frankly I don’t think I’ve ever watched it again. I remember that Jack Nicholson starred as Jimmy Hoffa and that Danny DeVito was also in it. I do remember we had a great time sitting beside each other sharing a couple of hours and a bucket of popcorn.

As we were walking out of the theater, I was walking behind Dad. I noticed that the cuff on the bottom of his slacks was turned over, and I began to say something about it, since I knew he would want to know. 

For some reason, I didn’t say anything though. I just reached down and fixed it as he was walking. I never told him, and he never knew. It was one of those moments that means a lot to you — but you can’t figure out why. I just smiled to myself and then truly wondered why that moment seemed so significant to me.

I kept that ticket stub for at least 10 years and would have kept it longer except that I got thrown in the lake at a party and had to dry out my wallet. I pulled everything out of my wallet along with another ticket stub from a movie that convinced me to ask my wife to marry me. Unfortunately, a well-intentioned friend threw those away thinking they were just trash. 

But I kept the memory. For more than fifteen years, I would often think about that movie, that moment with Dad, and wonder, “Lord, what was that all about?” I sincerely prayed for an answer about it. I knew it was something significant but couldn’t figure out what.

Then a few years ago, I realized what it was. It wasn’t the movie. It wasn’t Dad’s cuff on his slacks — although that was the memory trigger for me.

It was very simple: 

Dad just wanted to be with me that day. 

He just wanted to spend time with me. With me. No agenda. No business discussion. Just time with his son.

I’m so grateful for this powerful memory. What a great lesson for anyone who is a dad. Call your kids today. Plan a coffee, a lunch, or a movie. Get the popcorn. Get a Coca-Cola. It is time well spent. And you may never know the impact that moment has, but your child will.